To All the Girls I've Loved Before

With apologies to Hal David, this blog entry is dedicated to all the girlfriends I’ve loved before, love today, and will love tomorrow.

With our move, I miss friends, neighbors, and colleagues, but I especially miss my girlfriends.

I miss the shared history. I miss trusting relationships where you can be vulnerable and weak and silly and stupid. I miss the freedom to whine and not be judged.

I want to giggle.

Can you remember your last good giggle?  You know, the kind of glee where you snort or cry or both. My last good giggle; I can’t remember. Maybe years back with my sister, my cousin, or Elaine.

For those of us who carry only X chromosomes, XX friends are essential. There’s even a study that validates what women have long known about the value of female friendship. Research published last November in Breast Cancer Research and Treatment found that strong social ties lower women’s mortality rates compared with women who are socially isolated.

Now, that’s a bit of a no-brainer, but it’s nice to have peer-reviewed journals back up what we girl-peers know to be true.

Hundreds of miles away from my long-time networks … well, I’d better not get cancer. Or, if I do, ladies, the towels are clean. The guest beds are made.

If you need more validation, Y-chromosome-carrying Jeffrey Zaslow provides it in The Girls from Ames.  He writes about a group of Iowa women and the power of female friendship. And, his book shows they didn’t have to stay in Iowa to stay connected.

Now, this isn’t the first time I’ve lived far from dear friends. I went East, young woman, years ago. At age 22, I left the Golden State to search for gold and riches, actually education and employment, in Washington, DC.  The California bonds I left behind are now well-tested for time and distance. It’s a quick jump from Memory Lane to Fullerton’s Dorothy Lane and Troy High School with girlfriends who shared so many pubescent traumas. Next, my ag school (UC Davis) provided especially fertile ground for nurturing lifelong connections.

I know I can and will stay connected with my Washington, DC, friends. Because I’ve done it before. And, Web 2.0 makes it easier to stay in touch – texting, e-mailing, Facebook posts and FaceTime conversations. Dozens of friends (and even more strangers) have seen our house, our dog, our yard, my “Selfies.”

Yet, there is no touch in the modern ways of keeping in touch. There’s no face-to-face in Facebook. Those women who survived breast cancer had women friends bringing covered dishes, crying with them, and providing comfort.

You can’t hug a Tweet.

But, leave it to the 21^st century to have high-tech solutions for high-touch needs. There are female friend-dating websites, such as GirlfriendSocial.com, SocialJane.com, and GirlFriendCircles.com.

Or, there’s the modern woman – Rachel Bertsche – who documents her quest for girlfriends in Chicago, her new hometown, in her book MWF Seeking BFF. Over the course of a year, she uses a different method each week, including speed-friending and a rent-a-friend website, to meet potential girlfriends. Clearly, she has more energy and stamina than this retiree.

But, finding new girlfriends is worth a try. BFF in the here-and-now as well as the time-tested versions are too essential.

I’ll start right here in the neighborhood. There are two fun, bright live-wires right down the street.

Coffee, anyone? Or maybe whine?