I’ve been thinking about birds. Oh, I’ve long been a
birdwatcher and fill the feeders here, especially during the recent snow. But,
today, my thoughts turn to fledglings, the young ones leaving the nest.
Fledgling. What a great word. It’s when the young bird has
developed wing feathers large enough for flight and muscles strong enough to
power them.
Oh, and that is all at about two weeks of age.
Yesterday, our 20-something fledgling left our nest. Not for
the first time, nor her original nest, but her homing instinct is strong.
Yes, my husband I and were two of the faces on those
statistics about millennials – those born after 1981 -- living with their
parents. Over the past year, we had one of those 16.7 million young adults (26
percent of twenty-somethings) living in our home.
And, it was fine. It took some adjusting, for all of us, but
we got along and we provided a safe and secure refueling spot for our “DC
bird.”
You never hear about boomeranging birds. If they do come
back to the nest, rather than to Capistrano, they do it covertly. According to one
source, in the avian world “most young birds are totally on their own after
they leave the nest…the parents migrate south long before their youngsters do.”
Hey, we did that. Maybe my bird analogy is working. We
raised our daughters in a stable and sturdy Northern Virginia brick nest and then
two-and-a-half years ago pulled up our nesting materials – discarded some, too
– and migrated south to a North Carolina stone house.
Unlike nestlings and hatchlings with days in their nests,
our daughters had a sense of home and stability for a quarter century. And, compared
with birds, we were overly doting. Birds launch at just two weeks of age. “Helicopter
parents” in the bird world are the permanent residents, like chickadees,
finches, and nuthatches. These parent birds may no longer care for their
offspring, but at least they are nearby in familiar territory.
Birds parent one way – instinctually. It’s harder for we
bipeds, especially the human variety. We are subject to endless articles,
advice, and opinions about parenting.
Yet, as Psychotherapist Robi Ludwig wrote, the purpose of parenting is
to raise children who can “live life successfully and independently.”
Success. There are lots of ways to define it. To me, it
means being content and contributing to society. Independent: well, that’s paying
your bills.
Both success and independence have been our goals, whether in the DC area or to the south. That’s why I cried yesterday. Well, if you know me, you
know I cry easily. Always have ever since I had children.
Still, I cried. I’ll miss my fledgling. I cried to see her
fly away. I cried at the strength of her wings. And, I cried with the comfort she’s headed
for success and independence in familiar territory.
