Dependents and Independence

When I retired last year I compared jobs – the ones I’d had in offices and the ones at home. Sure, office jobs are hard. There are difficult bosses, tough assignments, long days, too little time off, and, shall we say, uneven quality in colleagues.  But, the hardest job, by far, was the one at home:  raising children.

For my retirement, our two daughters traveled to Washington, DC, to be with me for the office retirement party. After my bosses spoke it was my turn to talk. What little I remember of those emotional moments, I do recall introducing our daughters and telling my colleagues that being a parent is the most important, the most difficult, and the most rewarding job there is.

I’m happy to report that we’ve come through what at times seemed like the abyss and gotten to the rewarding part.

With Eleanor at Half Moon Bay

This Independence Day I’ve just returned from visiting our older daughter in San Francisco where she recently moved for an exciting new job. It’s great to see how independent she is.

Our other daughter is also independent. She is in graduate school in North Texas where she is working on a Ph.D. I’ve enjoyed visiting her in various college towns – including Boston, Massachusetts, and Stirling, Scotland.

When we started our parenting career, my first priority was to raise healthy children. I remember those early visits to the pediatrician and the doctor’s calming manner when she yet again assured me the baby was okay. I was thrilled that I hadn’t dropped or otherwise damaged my child.  

My next priority was happiness.  That seemed unobtainable at times, especially in middle school. My husband and I worked on that with our mishpocha, with ritual and routine, and with that not-so-secret but all-important ingredient: unconditional love.

So far, so good – mostly healthy and happy grown daughters.

With Jocelyn at Loch Ness

But, if you are blessed with regular or typical children as we were, for the parenting job – or adventure – to be truly successful, it’s essential to raise independent individuals, who can take care of themselves (okay, mostly), be good citizens, and contribute to society.

Children achieving independence, that’s an accomplishment worth celebrating.  With fireworks.

The icing on the cake is having adult children who choose to spend time with their parents. That calls for parades and fireworks.

Perhaps the sweetest time in my parenting life was last August when after the office retirement party our daughters hosted a celebration for my husband and me. They orchestrated the entire event and invited friends, colleagues, and neighbors to bid us farewell from northern Virginia and wish us success in our move to North Carolina.

That evening I felt as if I were in a Frank Capra movie. Yes, like Mr. Smith I had gone to Washington, but, in the end, it turned out to be a wonderful life.

Happy independence, dear daughters!